Tuesday, June 20, 2006

i noe that it's dumb of me to even consider that he might still love me and come back to me.. e more i think of it.. e more i realise that i'm e only one who's gg to be hurt.. he'll juz hve to tell me and back into the guy's arms he can pop into.. being embraced and cared for.. whereas for me, i'll be all alone.. dunno who to turn to..
my frens are worried abt me.. they wan me to move on..
one of them told me, they are already happily together.. and since u guys have broken up.. why shld i still hold on to it? it's e blue star and the tot of him tt made me carry on with the trip in aussie.. i love him before.. and i still love him now..
actually i'm very scared.. my mind is workig out all e possibilities.. right now, as i'm typing this, he shld either be at the guy's place sleeping n cuddling with him.. or he'll be at his own place waiting for e guy to wake up and bring him to work at 10.. e more i think abt it.. e more afraid i get.. it's blatantly true to me, he has someone else in his life now.. but how come i'm still holding on?
if he din say tt he still loves me, will i be able to move on faster?
i realise that he has a lot ot give up if he's with me.. really alot..
i'm willing to change for him.. i wan to devote more of my time to him.. i am prepared to stand up against my parents.. i felt tt i'm ready to even juz move in with him n lead my life w him.. but now, it's all gone isnt it..
i wish i've e chance to tell him all this..
he's good fren with my ex now.. they are always playing mahjong together.. he'll not be happy if he had to stop playing mj with my ex.. and i'm sure my ex will prefer to play with him and his current.. i'm not a good player and i'm definitely not as frenly as his current ..
i dun want to compare myself with him anymore..
it's tiring to be thinking all e time abt such things..

 D.A.  flew at 5:41 PM